Looking Back

I’m having yet another one of those days where I honestly wonder when I made that “wrong left turn.”

Don’t get me wrong. Some of those wrong turns have led to some pretty interesting stories for later…not to mention the addition of people that otherwise would’ve never crossed my path.

But…part of me still wishes things were much different than what they’ve turned out to be.

On the one hand, I’m a proud mama to a wonderful little boy who will turn two in February. I have amassed an incredible group of people on my side that I dare call “friend.” I have a wonderful family that I couldn’t ever begin to do without. I’ve stumbled onto a job that sounds like something interesting.

On the other hand…

Childbirth forced me to move back home with family. My mother taking ill has forced me to stay.

So has not working like anything since 2011.

I had to drop out of school because my financial aid dried up and I was unable to get any more loans.

Not to mention…I married a guy who all but physically abused me and I finally got myself together enough to leave. Sadly, had I gotten myself together much sooner, I never would’ve married him.

I feel like I’ve screwed my life over seven different ways from Sunday. So, on days like this, the frustration can’t help but bubble up to the surface.

So, now that all the damage is done, all the blinders are officially off, and a mass of bullshit lays at my feet, I’m forced to ask myself one simple question:

Now what do I do?

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